Get romantic, man

Kelly Thore at Cosmopolitan thinks guys enjoy romance too. But her hints for their dates/wives/fiances/female companions to try out? Well . . .

here is her list:

1. Play Wii ?          OK, if you NEVER play Wii, and then ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU GRAB THE CONTROLS? He’s going to give you that look that says **WhatAreYouDoin??** (Suggestion: first, take off your clothes, then GRAB THE CONTROLS and say, . . . wait, doesn’t really matter what you say)

2. Do the dishes ?          Not THAT romantic, but . . . While you’re at it, get out the ladder and get the windows too, will you? Those can be a pain.

3. Grab the check ?          OK. Picking up a check is not romantic. If picking up a check were romantic, guys would be having sex a lot. Even with their relatives. Better approach: first, you surreptitiously pay the check, BUT, you don’t tell him that you paid it. Eventually, he’s going to try to pay it, but then YOU say: “It’s already paid.” Him: “You paid the check? When?” You: “It wasn’t me. It was that guy over there! (**pointing at a random guy**) And you know what he said? He wants to watch.” Fun variation: pointing out a random woman

4. Treat ?          Brownies? AweSOME! Romantic? Not so much. Try this: Make the brownies, BUT, in the brownie mix (important: do this before you bake the brownie mix) you hide miniature things that if he finds them you’re willing to go for it: try handcuffs, for instance.

5. Foot rub ?          Yeah, OK, we get the rubbing part. Ummm,  . . .this is going to be a little delicate . . . try rubbing other things.

6. Shower steam “Bye babe?”          Personally, I’m not a shower-steam kind of guy, and I actually ventilate the bathroom during my shower so I can SEE MYSELF WHEN I SHAVE. But I see where you’re going with this one, so try a subtle improvement: don’t write anything on the mirror, but instead write it on the shower wall. Inside the shower. While he’s watching you write it. Just don’t use up all the shaving cream, OK?

7. Touching in public ?          This is actually a pretty good one, and it can be easily improved by varying what you wear. Or don’t wear. A suggestion: wear less and less the longer you’re touching.

8. Photo in suitcase ?          OK, let’s get this straight. He’s traveling without you. For the weekend, right? And, so . . . you’re  figuring, he’s probably going to need a reminder to think about you. Try this: blow-up doll with your face on it, with an auto-inflate feature that’s triggered by the suitcase zipper. However: keep your fingers crossed that the TSA guys at the airport don’t pull the random check.

9. Tickets to a concert ?          Romantic means different things to different people, apparently, because the concert tickets are a great idea, but to make it romantic you’re going to have to take it to another level: say you stop at one of “those” stores on the way to the concert, and then you tell him that you’re willing to buy anything he picks out and furthermore either WEAR it or USE it (as appropriate) actually DURING the concert.

10. No cell ?          Yeah. Ummm, like he’s going to notice. Here’s the scenario I’m picturing on this one: After 45 minutes with your mobile still in your bag, you go: “OK. I was wondering how long it was going to take for you to notice! I guess it’s for-EVER?” Him: “What?” You: “I left my cell in my bag! To be romantic! But you couldn’t figure that out!” Him: “I’m sorry. You’re right, this IS romantic!”

11. Deep kiss ?          At first I misread this, and I thought it said “Deep Dish.” Like with mushrooms and peppers. But “Deep Kiss,” that’s pretty good, too. Subtle improvement: more than one. (OK, wait, I just noticed this. If you go to Kelly’s Cosmo article you can actually click on the words Deep Kiss, and guess what? It takes you to an ad for UGG boots, but then if you stick with it, it takes you to kissing advice. Suggestion: do NOT print out the Deep Kiss advice to reference during the actual date.)

12. Sushi class ?          Sushi. Romantic. Wait a minute: sushi . . .romantic . . .sushi . . .romantic . . . Yeah, I’m just not getting this one. I’ll grant you that ordinarily dead fish are pretty romantic, just not when you have to eat them raw.

13. Handwritten note ?          OK, this is another one that is WAY more romantic if it’s illustrated. If you’re not good at drawing you can download something creative. (Just don’t use the UGG boots ad.)

14. Hang with the guy friends ?          Yes, this has romantic written all over it. You: “I was just thinking, . . we could hang with some of your guy friends this weekend!” Him: **Blank Look!** You: “You know, your ‘bros’, your ‘posse,’ your ‘insignificant others!” Him: “You want to hang with my guy friends.” You: “Sure! I’m thinking it’ll seem, you know, ROMANTIC.” Him: **Blank Look!**

15. Fake like you’re into it ?          Yeahhhh . . . not so romantic. Unless you’re ready to take it to the Meg Ryan level, he’s going to see through this within ten minutes. (By the way, Kelly, guys will NOT take thirty minutes to buy a basketball. They’ll know which one they want when they walk into the store, and the store either has it or it doesn’t. Sunglasses, now . . . those can be tricky.)

16. Dancing at a bar ?          These are the list of things that GUYS find romantic, right? Cuz I’m thinking you got this mixed up with that other list. Maybe, you dropped them while on the dance floor and then they got mixed up or something?

17. Curve-hugging dress ?          I see this one working out. Still, this one’s from the other list too, isn’t it?

18. Work out together ?          This is actually a pretty cool one, IF (and that’s a capital “if” there, OK?) you actually like working out. Because if you hate working out and you’re there for 25 minutes, and he’s all warmed up, and you go, “Are you almost done?” I’m just saying . . .

19. FB photo to print out ?           Nope. Not romantic. Not on the guy list. Check your lists again, Kelly. I guarantee that if there is a good picture of you on your FaceBook page that he doesn’t already know about . . .he’s not that into you.

20. Sit next to him ?          Okayyy . . . this one’s actually not bad. Just don’t start explaining all about the oxytocin and everything. Don’t mention “hormone” either.

21. PDA ?          This is a little like Number 7 above, but let’s assume you’re doing way more than you’re comfortable with normally. And let’s further assume that you are approaching the level that he thinks should be “Normal—What’s the Big Deal—No I don’t think anyone is looking!” But (and this is a big but) if all you’re really doing is sending a message to other guys, he’ll probably pick up on that. Not saying he’ll mind, I’m just saying, . .  What? No I did NOT just say you have a big butt!

22. The TV date ?          The weekly TV-date can be a good idea, but is only romantic if one of the following three scenarios occur on a regular basis: one, you’re alone together, your cell is turned off (no, not just “in your bag” like up there in Idea Number 10) and you’ve got those brownies made; two, you make a bet with him about what will happen during the show (yeah, that kind of bet); three, you’ve got a nice big screen plus, during the commercials, you don’t complain when he channel-surfs with the remote.

23. Roadtrip!  ?          Doesn’t say where you’re going. Kind of a big deal for a road trip. Especially if you want it to be romantic. Three random suggestions: a nature preserve or national park that has out-of-the-way places to get naked together; a fun city that has out-of-the-way places to get naked together; a beach that has out-of-the-way places to get naked together.

24. Compliments ?          Good idea, but keep in mind: romance-value will totally depend on what you’re complimenting.

Good: “I love your shoulders, and how strong they make you.”

Not-so-good: “I love how tall you are. Can you hand me that box from the top shelf?”

Good: “When we first met I couldn’t wait for you to call me.”

Not-so-good: “When we first met you called me super-fast.”

Good: “When we make love . . . I feel like I’m in heaven.”

Not-so-good: “When we make love . . . I really like your after-shave.”

25. Text him ?          Hmmm,  . . .  No, that’s all. Just . . . hmmmm.


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